School

I'm currently in gym and my teacher's not making me play since I told her I wasn't feeling well. Yay! I'm exhausted...
If it wasn't for musical, I would have stayed hone today. My friend told me I have huge circles under my eyes. Yeah I believe it. But when I did manage to sleep, I had a good dream about a certain person :3 All we did was talk and another friend was there. But it was nice. He was sweet and caring. Idk all the details now... But yeah. Hehe
I can't believe I can't talk to some of my friends for like 2 weeks... Grounded. I was on tears last night.
Life constantly hurts me... <\3

Dunno what else to say. I hope I can function for the rest of the day then musical. Then sleep.

I listened to my Matty cd like 3 times last night haha. Kept is such a good song!

Everything just hurts today... I wanna be able to talk without coughing. And the only reason I can is bc of these stupid cold pills that have me dizzy. I'm still hoarse, also.

Skillet

Are you surprized I'm not listening to Matty? ;)
I enjoyed bugging Isaiah about it xD he's a good sport lol and enjoys teasing me :P fun times.
:)

Had musical last night. Came home exhausted. The roads were a sheet of ice and my dad had me drive home. It took me like 20 minutes lol And there were so many near wrecks and one girl did get hit. :/ scary stuff, especially considering Saturday is Kiersten's 11 month... I was talking about her yesterday.
Had hilarious moments with Ashley during musical in our Wing 5 garage home rofl :)

iPod messing up with this right now so I can't say much.

Isaiah was just being all sweet last night :) texting me (he has very limited) to be sure I was ok. I felt crappy. And I still kinda do... Musical basically all week for hours... Yippidee doo! I'm gonna die haha. And I wanna talk to him later :) gotta tell him something.

Yeah... I just wanna sleep. Dont wanna be here.

MATT NATHANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M DREAMING..........
NO ONE PINCH ME.............
I MET MATT NATHANSON AFTER THAT CONCERT AND HE HUGGED ME AND SAID I'M AWESOME AND I CAN'T STOP SMILING AND TYPING A SUPER LNOG RUN ON SENTANCE I'M NEVER GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT AT ALL AND I LOVE HIS CD AND HE WROTE A HEART ON IT UNDER MY NAME AND HE'S SO AMAZING AND HOT AND PERFECT AND HE "MAKES MY HEART BEAT FASTER" ;) AAAAAHHHHHH EEEEEEPPPPP HEHEHEHEHE I HAVE NO VOICE RIGHT NOW AND MY THROAT FEELS LIKE IT IS ON FIRE AND I MADE THE PICTURE OF US MY PROFILE PIC ON FACEBOOK AND A FRIEND OF MINE SAID I LOOK SHORT... THEN I FREAKED AND HE SAID "HAHAHAHAHAHA oh well at least short people are adorable." DID HE JUST CALL ME ADORABLE?!?!?!?!?!?!? DOUBLE AMAZING NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN..... WHAT? >_>

YAY FOR ENDLESS MUSICAL TOMORROW AND GONNA HAVE NO VOICE AND BE CRAZY AND PEOPLE AT CHURCH ARE GONNA THINK I LOST MY MIND  >:-) MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I'M GONNA SCREAM!!!!!!!!!

A FRIEND CALLED ME AND I GET TO GO SEE KELLY CLARKSON AND MATT NATHANSON IN CONCERT TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D <3333

I'm shaking with excietmend and was bouncing up and down like a crazy person! XD I'm sure I;'ll have a lot of typos bc i'm excited! XD I love MATTY!!!!!!!!!

Great GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What can I say?

Why won't anybody talk to me besides like a handful of people?

I tried texting this guy that I used to talk to... but he never responds anymore... not for like a month now! :'( I used to think he liked me... and there's a whole long story behind that... if you only saw some things he said to me like a year ago... I know a year's awhile... And he's older... besides the point... I don't care for him that way. But you'd think he'd at least text me and say he's busy? Nope. He NEVER gets back to me! Why do I try talking to people? :(

I hate being the only one to make the effort....

I miss talking to you.... But idk what I'd even say at this point.... *sigh* confliction....

What're you thinking? Dx

I'm so bored.... my friends hardly post anything.... And barely anyone reads these... probably for the better, but still.... I'm like... talking to myself here.... in a way. It's like facebook. People don't really care what you say.

Gonna be a boring Friday night. Lonely. Someone should talk to me.

Off for now I guess.
Byes.

"Do you hear that, love?" ♥

Dear bestest friend,

I wuv joo so much! I mish chu!!!!

was at Bible study tonight & saw some best friend quotes.... made me wanna post on a certain someone's facebook wall something cute about all our fun, silly, weird, stupid, laughable, secret, deep, questioning each other's sanity, loud, quiet, amazing moments together... but y'know what? There's just too much I could choose to say! :3 I love you!

Also when I'm upset, she makes me smile! When I'm about to cry, I can run to her and she's there to listen. Earlier I was upset about something, me second-guessing everything people say to me now & trying to make sense of something someone said earlier to me, and talking to her about random things made me forget. :) about guys for the most part.

Speaking of guys.... a certain guy I know wants to see a movie in theatres.... I said it'd be a good way for me to see it for the first time... :) hint hint? ;D


Had Bible study & made a collage about ourselves. mine is fun looking, there's a picture in my twitter and on facebook(: check it out! ♥


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Gf2SOmz5Q&ob=av2e#start=0:00;end=3:27;autoreplay=true;showoptions=false This song has played on endless repeat about 10 times now :) I love it!!!

Oh and apparently I'm being watched now :P Thanks Isaiah.

10:40pm

I need to get off facebook

aww

Sowwiees

*sniffle*

No sniffles

:((

Sorry buddy

it's ok..

You alright?

Yeah. Why?

the dots threw me off guard

OLO

just wondering

oh haha. they tend to do that xP

yes

hehe

me watching you

XD

 

 

 

Pasting conversations is fun (: Why did my font suddenly get tiny? XD

I'm still in so much pain... I could barely move my arm back.... That bad, yes. :\

Okay, bed time. Then Friday, Saturday (tea room), Sunday (church, lunch thingy afterwards, and musical for countless hours.) ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO! BRING IT ON! ....or not..... [:

How long will the happiness last? Hopefully for awhile, bit I sincerely doubt it. Thursdays are usually good days, but lately... yeah.

Vale.... adios. Buenos noches mis amigos! ♥ Te quiero! <-- (: win! ♥

Lalalalala

Talked piano / instruments / music with the Music Theory sub today (: so amusing and fun! We clapped rhythms and it was pretty easy, even the harder ones. Dane found it hard :P He kept saying "Why did I take this class?" xD funny times.

And some jerky guy was talking all highly of himself.... and he said my friend does?! Who thinks highly now? Jerk! Freakin hypocryte!

And people also think it's "cute" when others lose their virginity at 15.... SMH!

Might get my license soon!!!! YEAH!

Know what I hate? Getting up for the past 2 morning and my eyes being all red -_- blah... annoyingness.

But my friend's being so adorable. :3

Isaiah Thomason
so how did things go?

Emily Jane Potter
nothing was brought up

Isaiah Thomason
oh...okay...

Emily Jane Potter
:/

Isaiah Thomason
why that face?

Emily Jane Potter
not happy

Isaiah Thomason
Yes. And why not happy?

Emily Jane Potter
...

Isaiah Thomason
...Emily? :(

Emily Jane Potter
Yes?
brb..

Isaiah Thomason
Why not happy?
and ok...

Emily Jane Potter
back

Isaiah Thomason
ok. so what's up?

Emily Jane Potter
i told you

Isaiah Thomason
oh...

Emily Jane Potter
yeah...

Isaiah Thomason
:(

Emily Jane Potter
facebook stopped working :((

Isaiah Thomason
Oh no!

Emily Jane Potter
lol

Isaiah Thomason
si

Emily Jane Potter
yup

Isaiah Thomason
puyo
so brownies

Emily Jane Potter
 ok...?

Isaiah Thomason
yes

Emily Jane Potter
yeahp.

Isaiah Thomason
silence

Emily Jane Potter
lol
i need to stop thinking about everything...

Isaiah Thomason
DISTRACTION

Emily Jane Potter
wooo

Isaiah Thomason
How are ya?

Emily Jane Potter
random questions... >.>

Isaiah Thomason
it's not random

Emily Jane Potter
ok..

Isaiah Thomason
well?

Emily Jane Potter
v.v

Isaiah Thomason
are you at least better?

Emily Jane Potter
i suppose so.

Isaiah Thomason
hmmmmm

Emily Jane Potter
?

Isaiah Thomason
if you say so

Emily Jane Potter
what do you mean by that?

Isaiah Thomason
I mean "if you say so"

Emily Jane Potter
ok then...

Isaiah Thomason
what?

Emily Jane Potter
idrk

Isaiah Thomason
me neither

Emily Jane Potter
lol...
i gtg.

Isaiah Thomason
ok......

Emily Jane Potter
dots again...

Isaiah Thomason
yeah....

Emily Jane Potter
:(

Isaiah Thomason
you be me worrying \
*\
.....

Emily Jane Potter
don't. :(

Isaiah Thomason
*:\
why not?

Emily Jane Potter
i don't like worrying people...

Isaiah Thomason
:P it happens

Emily Jane Potter
lol i know.
hehe thanks for caring(:
but yeah i should get to bed.

Isaiah Thomason
You knows I cares about yous :D

Emily Jane Potter
(>^_^)>

Isaiah Thomason
<(^_^<)

Emily Jane Potter
haha. g'night

Isaiah Thomason
Night.  :D <3

Emily Jane Potter
 <3 :D

Isn't it cute? (: lol i love those cute conversations! He makes me smile too easily. I smile sometimes just thinking about it! xD

Lyric timeee....

"Feelin like I got a front row seat to watch everybody be happy. Can't even paint a smile on my face, it's so hard to not complain. Get me outta my mi-i-ind. If anybody asks me what've I been up to, this is what I'm gonna say. I've been spendin my time outta my mind and I'm really lovin livin this way." ♥ ANTHEM LIGHTS

"I feel like I'm wasting away. So please can you show me just why I was meant to stay? I stepped off the trail and looked for more. A place I could be restored but now I'm lost." -Ryan Knorr

"Seasons come & seasons go. Leaves fall down upon the snow. Days go by & the sun still shines. Clouds roll in and darkness begins. So much time has come and gone. It's amazing how I can hold on this long. On an isle of eroding sand, I stand." -Ryan

"So just for this time could you give me hope that I can continue? No longer can I hide. The path of greatest resistance is my life." -Ryan (:

"I blame myself, I curse at the night sky. Help me find my way. light a path, teach me a new way." -my original.

"I'm as lost as lost can be. The lighthouse light went out & now I can't see. They will never find me now. You said that you'd always believe, but where does that leave me?" -Ryan Knorr

"I'm 47 feet above the ground, & I'm falling... So could you be the one to slow me down?" -Ryan

"I'm so afraid. It seems that nothin's right. Just how long can I fight? I can't pull myself back up. I don't feel like I'm strong enough." -Ryan

"I listen closely & all I hear is a melody so nice. I've been locked up inside for so long now. Am I alive? Happy side is still within but buried so far down." -Ryan

"These times will try hard to define me And I'll try to hold my head up high But I've seen despair here from the inside And it's got a 1-track mind. I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I'm falling. It's like I'm only trying to dig my way out of all these things I can't." -The Script

Sensing a pattern? ....yup.

‎"Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown I don't know why I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be" Matchbox 20 (:

Bible study later.

• 16 hours

hurt

Mr. Rauch had me demonstrate harmonics on his guitar during Music Theory today!!! :D Made my day! I love our conversations! ♥ aaand Max played piano again(:

My back is so sore today.... :'( totally not fun.
That plus random times when my heart literally hurts me...

Coming home was no better... </3

Gonna be awkward again, like.... yeah. v_v
Does he still want to? Is he GOING to? ...who knows? =/ Idek how he feels....

Hoorays for subtle questioning that won't get any answers.

As long as this is easier for you.... I don't matter anymore anyways... I know that now.

No more entertaining WWF games, may be uncomfortable, will it ever be normal?!

Aww, Isaiah's all concerned. "It's something. What up? What's wrong?" I hope I can keep my computer so I can have him to talk to at least.... even though I don't deserve to. I get whatever's coming for me. But I was truly hoping that we'd be able to..... ah, nevermind.

Sigh

I feel like my heart has been broken... I couldn't stop crying last night. Bu enough about my crappy life. It's getting worse and I can't talk to people as much anymore. Gonna exhaust myself by doing tons more housework... What of I never get to talk to my friend much? My computer is probably gonna get taken away maybe... For good. Where does that leave me? Feeling friendless. More than ever. But ah well, I brought it on myself. This is gonna kill me... I'm not trusted any longer.

Just thinking of not being able to talk to a few certain friends bc I only really talk to them on Facebook. My one friend actually said "goodbye forever" which felt like a stab through the heart... :'(
How do I manage to mess everything up? I won't have friends... I won't trust anyone anymore and keep things bottled up. Limited blog venting from now on for me. Idk what's gonna happen when I get home. Who I can still talk to... And I can bet that if I still can talk, things will drastically change...

Dirait-on

Abandon entoure d'abandon tendresse touchant aux tendresses...
C'est ton interieur qui sans cesse se caresse, dirait-on
Dirait dirait-on dirait on dirait dirait-onnn ♥

Yes I am currently singing in French! :P Have been since I got on the computer! xD Had chorus day and we finally sang that again!!!! It was very.... mood-fitting, as it is a very slow, soothing song... I needed it for what was to come. Thankfully, it was still stuck in my head during the worst class, ever! Yes, gym! xD
Gym class, hmm, let's see where I should start...
Ok, so we got in there before the guys, surprisingly. But I was nearly late because I hung back with my friend and she told me something... everyone looked so sad today.... I saw my expression mirrored on nearly everyone around me.... THAT was scary.... =P ....but, really.... v_v
So back to the topic of gym... we started our games (volleyball, STILL) and my team always loses. Didn't get bad til around 9:40-ish. We were losing our 2nd game of the day (no surprise there) and I missed a ball that flew by me... and this one sophomore said to me "Are you gonna play?!" and she's the one who always tries to tell me how to hit the ball. I know how to hit the freakin' ball, ok?1 I'M SORRY, I HAVE A PHOBIA OF THINGS FLYING TOWARDS MY FACE!!!!! I pretended not to hear her.... getting good at that. Then we lost and got to sit down while the other teams played. I was like "YAY relaxation!" And tried not to focus on what just previously happened, as I was already worked up about it. So I sat down and watched the other game going on in front of me, but not really seeing it... y'know? my mind was elsewhere. Only watched to see if a ball was flying my direction, as it tends to. Then I heard guitar music on Froggy 95 country radio station. So I listened to that... EVERYTIME that song comes on, I don't recognize it until the singing starts... which is odd for me. But it brought back memories and I was glad no one paid me any attention, as I was trying to not get all misty-eyed... didn't work. But the song.... was.... God Gave Me You..... v_v

rest of the day wasn't bad. I almost fell asleep in Lit after the test though.

Music Theory, we got to go to the theatre to watch this play thing being practied.... fun times. But before that, we went to the chorus room and Max was playing piano as I walked in! =) Nicest thing to hear, at least to me. ♥ Hearing people play music brightens my days!

*sings French words* my lone soprano voice doesn't sound as good for the song without the rest of the choir... i need at least an alto and a tenor and bass to back me up xD it's gonna be stuck in my head forever.

*sings random pretty descant thing that came to mind* ohh yeah soprano's are cool, we can sing high! psh, beat that! That's why I love chorus and musical. I get to stretch my range. Normally, I never sing that high.... and when I do, I'm not warmed up and it sounds scratchy.... but in chorus, I can do it. That's the ONE thing I'll miss when school's out... or when I graduate. =\

Hehe my blog is full of musicyness today! ^_^

Au revoir ♥ =)

End of my day ♥ ♥

School the rest of the day wasn't horrible. Had a new class that's gonna be really annoying. Then went to lunch. Everyone has that one person they just can't stand, right? Mine just so happens to be a certain guy. My friend told me about her dream she had last night. Every time I hear the words "I had a dream" I know it's gonna be a good story. :P But she started telling me, and I kinda expected some of it, just 'cause it's her. ♥ But she was telling me and this one guy who sits at our table just so happens to be listening in and yells at us to be quiet. So we move tables. Then he comes over and asks if we'll move back.... so we did. He told us to tone it down. We TRY to be nice to him... He's not happy very often, and he's very quiet.But we put up with him, and his weird attempts at being social.... but he just gets mad when we have "girl time". It's what we're supposed to do!!!! You don't see us get mad when he... no, nevermind... he doesn't talk to begin any guy conversations with anyone. But we wouldn't!!!! Honestly we wouldn't!!!! We're girls, we like girl talk. If you don't wanna hear it, move to a new table, or just don't listen!
Had a study hall in math, and went to classes... then last period of the day (my new favorite♥) MUSIC THEORY! We learned how notes and clefs were formed and how music writing first looked like. Sooo interestingg!!!! ♥ And best yet, there's only 4 of us there!!! :) only Max (hehe) and I really know how to read music. He knows more than I do. But he's funny (: I had a conversation in Lit about him with Avery again.
me: Max was in the SADD meeting and was saying we should give kids Eat'n Park smiley cookies because they're positive! :D Then he said he wants to tattoo their foreheads with "Be positive" We were all dying!
Avery: Max?! ahahahaaha that's great!!!!
me: i knowww! hahahaha! then he started singing Hakuna Matatta.
Avery: *laughs*
Then we pretended to be flirty and thought of different ways to ask him to drive me to the elementary school for the SADD thing. :P I almost wanted to today. But I'm too stickin' shy around guys! Dx aaaaugh it's frustrating! Texting is soooo much easier!!!!!!!! But that'd be weird... I don't wanna text him that. (I have his number, HA!)

I realize that a guy will be reading this too... hahahaha xD oh goodness that will be interesting. He already probably knows how weird I am! ;)

Attempting to help a friend... and not wanting to believe another good friend could be turning into... *sigh* They know how hard this is for me.... Someone answer me this. Do you ever wonder if people are really who they say/seem to be? I wonder more and more about certain people... =\

Gonna go shut off my mind for awhile and read more. Maybe write later, if I feel like it, or have time. Homework.

Geez I say a lot in these lately... xD haha... well, laters.

Monday again

New semester starts today. Listening to the amazing music of Red! :)
So last night I felt loved :D my friend Isaiah was afraid I left facebook. Then said "but you're here; that's all that matters. :)" :D aaahhh<333 :) :3
K enough cutesy faces lol
And Anjie told a bunch of people she loved them! It was a lovey night hehe
Then Will knew I needed a hug and made me feel loved :) idk why I felt like I wasn't or like I was a bad friend....

I have 3 tests tomorrow! Omg!

Talked to Sparky about musical this upcoming Sunday. We both agree that we'll be there a lot later than 8... Unfortunately. :( I thought I was gonna be too angry to blog. But hey... I'm just kinda dreading that practice. Not wanting Sunday, and yet also wishing it was here. Don't ask. Lol

Shorter than yesterday's blog I think haha. This is my only study hall today so I should get something done... Boooo!

RIP JoePa

Last night I got to watch The Notebook! ♥

Went to bed late, at like 2am. :P
I couldn't fall asleep, and when I did, I couldn't stay asleep for even 2 hours... kept waking up. Got up around 9:15 and was like "omg i'm late for church!!!" but dad told me we weren't going.... that was a big disappointment for me. :(
Especially after last night, I needed it. An old friend I used to talk to about everything... posted something that upset me, even though it shouldn't have and I should be used to it by now. I vented to Anjie & Isaiah about it.

Playing WWF with Isaiah now. Played my last 5 letters and made an epic word to put me in the lead, big time. He said it was beast. rofl. Happiest I've been all day! How can he do that to me? xD I can't be upset for long while talking to him. I made a word with lots of points and he was like "I hate you. Go away! I don't want to talk to you ever again." My response? "Love you too, bro. xD" *big smile*

Gotta work on school stuff later. Music♪
Gonna be a long, tiring week. Musical a lot this week, lots of studying ahead, too. Already I'm looking forward to next weekend, lol.
Starting the new semester tomorrow. I don't have a regular studyhall anymore, sadly. Only my one I had opposite gym days... and fridays I have 2. But I'm gonna have 1 annoying class, and 1 class with my favorite teacher! MUSIC THEORY!!!!! :D

Another thing... Joe Paterno died this morning from lung cancer. Now, I'm not big into sports, as you know, but deaths, of any kind, hit me hard. After attending 4 viewings within a month, you'd feel the same I'd imagine. I guess maybe that was part of my disappointment about not going to church this morning... I wanted a distraction from the sadness of memories this has been causing me. I was gonna get a hug this morning, too! *sigh* I guess I just realized that was the cause of this... a certain person will see this later and probably text me about it. :P

YAY, an awesome dude just sent me a request for that game with friends, using words. :3
More later, mehbeh.

One last quick sidenote... I find it weird that I talk about the guy(s) I like to people, but if someone else talks about a girl he likes, I start feeling weird... no matter who it is, whether I like them or not. Is that weird? :/
Sometimes I had a 6th sense, of knowing what people feel/think... like my friend Nikki. She texted me yesterday asking if I was alright. Idk how she knows these things... but she does. Sometimes I just brush people off though, saying I'm fine. Been doing that more often lately. "Disci Pati" <-- Isaiah's motto.

"I'm in love with someone else, she said"

That's a lyric by the amazing band Parachute!
"I take the car and drive the night
The white stripes blur and ease my mind
When all that's left is a single line
Instead of this confusion
And I'm not certain of the way it was
And I'm not sure what I could of done
Oh but I wonder if it had been enough
And I realize the only thing I know is
She said, I'm in love with some one else she said
I fell in love with some one else and I
I'm in love with some one and that's all that I know for sure
I stop the car and close my eyes
I can see her face, but It takes a while
And it feeds it like the morning light
Slow and unfocused"

I felt that way... about the driving... driving calms me sometimes. Drove out to Vinco earlier and it was nice... fun.

Was up til 3am last night talking and playing words with friends on facebook with a cool guy. :) tired now....

had to go out again... shopping.... i was trying to read, peacefully, then had to drive. *sigh* and if that's not enough, my brother decided he had to come and he makes fun of the music i listen to. I had Air 1 on in the Kia and my brother told me to change the channel because he hates it. (how?!) I flat out said "No." because i hear it so often from him so much the music sounds the same. But it helps me.... calming, encouraging. Then he asked dad, and dad switched it to Rocky 99 where a weird song idk came on... I was gripping the steering wheel so hard, willing my eyes to stay dry. I know, I know, stupid of me to be upset. But when Air 1 was on, my brother had to copy the guy who was currently singing Everlasting. "Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all pain...etc." And Jacob copied the lyrics in a high-pitched mocking voice.... You know annoying that is? When something is soothing to hear, or do, in any case, and it gets made fun of? It's not as bad as the kids at my school, but..... still bothersome.

I can't believe I wasted a whole paragraph on that... -_-

Whatever.

Gonna go back to reading now. Don't bother me.

ps. Church tomorrow! Hope it goes well... (:

Study hall

I have like 4 study halls today. Lol
Just had orchestra and loaned my flash drive (with some lyrics and my stories) for the weekend. Lol nervous to hear her reaction. If I write Somethig, I can't have someone read it in front of me XD I'm weird that way.

Got told I have no friends... And why don't I just quit musical? That hurt... It's like stupid little rhyme "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" that's a lie! Words can hurt more than anything. I know that well. But really... I'm only in the company in the show. I'm not important, right?! :/ probably what people think. But turns out I do have a ride today.

Speaking of friends, shout out to itsanjx3 for letting me text rant this morning xD <3 I wives chu!
And another shout out to Will! :) for always being there and giving me a lot of text hugs! Haha :)
And Isaiah and Brandon for making me laugh all the time.

If I'm ever upset, make me listen to Anthem Lights or watch those funny YouTube videos that I've been watching these past 2 days.

It's finally Friday though! Weekend!! Yes!! Guitar lesson at 6 or 6:30 this evening. That will be fun :)

Hm... Screaming music on iPod. People wpuld be surprised at the different music I actually listen to hahaha!

Oh and my friend told me his decision yesterday! He's not leaving for that long period of time this summer. Although he will for at least a week probably. 2 actually. But for 1 I might see him, I'm hoping.

Not much more to say right now. Update later if anything else interesting and blog-worthy pops up.
Laters.

GREAT day! (finally)

Spent last night talking to a great guy about these hilarious youtube videos xD We died laughing and our conversation was hilarious!!!! I can always count on him to make me laugh. :3
Time to watch more of those... after I finish typing. :)

In Lit, couldn't stop laughing at the fake British accents xD and Steve say "shush" in the accent was the funniest thing! Avery and I had our heads down on the table laughing sooo hard!!!!! "What does this mean?!" rofl
And I read more of her story. xD It's sooo good!!!! I practically yelled "YES!" when she asked. ROFL

Had chorus day! ♥ But didn't sing the 1 song I most wanted to sing... the ones we did were weird, and too happy for me at that moment. But we did one of the songs I like.
Then gym.

Avery and I skipped down the hallways :D So amusingly fun! And we have awkward moments around this 1 guy xD like DAILY! so many laughable moments.

Oh, in all seriousness... wow, as soon as I typed that, a sad orchestra song came on. O_O But anywho, my one friend has been thinking and had to make a tough decision... he made one and I'm waiting for him to get online and tell me. I'm nervous... Why am I so nervous?! I'll be happy for him... I will... Whatever he chose.
Do you realize how hard it is to not talk to one of your really close friends for 6 weeks?! That may happen during this upcoming summer...

Oh and we're doing this thing for SADD some time going down to the elementary school to talk to all the kids... I'm in a group for 6th grade.... same as this 1 guy I used to have a crush on for the longest time. xD I can see myself asking him for a ride there.
I was kinda out of it all then I heard his name... "Max" being in the same group as me. If I was a dog, my ears would perk up at that moment. I'm in a group with him?! I could see myself walking up all slow, shy, and cute. Twirling a piece of hair on my finger I would look at him and say, "Hey Max? Um, since we're both doing 6th grade, and I don't have my license yet... *looks down pausing then back up* do you think... maybe, I could ride with you?" *eyes pleading* :3
Cute, huh? :P
I can't be all normal like "heyyy, you're cute ;)" with guys... no... i have to be all freakin' shy! XD

in SAT we watched a video and there was this Asian girl talking and 2 kids at the Princeton college laying outside next to each other. We listened to the girl talk, then someone in my class asked "What's going on in the background?" Mr. Tokarsky said "They're not studying for their SAT" and right then we see the guy put his arm around the girl and we all laughed so hard! ;)

Bible study tonight, and looks like I have to miss musical tomorrow... :(

It's almost the weekend again! ♥ YEAHHH BUDDY!

Otay, video timeee! ;D gonna laugh my butt off at that dude! Check yes! (:

Random tid-bits of my mind

2nd post again! :O

You know what's irritating? People. You know what's confusing? People. You know what I love? (Some) People. xD

*Irritating -- gym teacher... was in a rant about today. and i have to see her tomorrow, yippee...

*Confusing -- there's this guy... a year ago he told me he lost all respect for me. then the other day he decided to re-add me on facebook. So I sent him a message asking why. Only thing he said: "cuz i felt like it." ok then? if he still doesn't, is he trying to creep on me? should i just delete him again? who cares if he still doesn't respect me? people can be idiots.

*But there are some I love dearly. :)
(again... did i really just say that? xD of course i tell him, but... oh never mind bahaha. i'll talk to anj about it.)
Take one my friend for instance... he makes me laugh all the time! Like earlier we were talking about Momentum and I said next year I'll be too old for it. I'm sad now. lol. But he said:
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. :'(  Become a youth group leader really quickly! xD"
So I asked how I would do that :P He said:
"I don't know. You some spark sparkle :P"
And that's not even the extent of our weirdness xD I was helping him try to decide on something and that happened. rofl <33
AND he knows me better than most people (: bc we've talked every day (almost) since like July! xD No matter how many times I made him slightly upset/hurt/confused, he still loves me! ;D

*Speaking of hurt, don't you hate it when someone kinda hurts you a bit then it turns out to be no big deal later on? I do. I'm too easy to hurt.

Oooo my eyes are pretty tonight... sorry, random thought! (: my friends and i talk about eye color a lot xD and which guys have adorable eyes :3 I love blue as an eye color, but the guy(s) i like have brown. odd?

Alrightyyy, enough of this random talk that no one cares about xD Idk how I can talk so much o_o

"MAYBE THEY'RE ONTO US!"

Someone please tell me to go to bed earlier tonight... Almost slept through my alarm this morning. Lol horrible, I know. I REALLY shpuld though. Pleeeeaaaseee tell me. XD or else I won't.

Waited outside for bus, saw a different bus speed past my house. I was scared it was gonna wreck at the end of the street. My bus driver drives like that a lot. I'm glad we made it here safely. I was scared to get on my bus. Little secret there. Lol

Lyric time? I agree.
"My heart is numb The feeling that I get from the way you shake your voice and curse this bitter love! And oh, it's cold Living in a fallen home. We were just kids back then Too scared to be alone. Oh, I said oh, the fight My legs are unateadied by the way you close your eyes I wish we could hit rewind."
Don't you just love Needtobreathe? Relatable songs, I don't even need to say anything how I feel. Haha :)

Oh and it's amazing how music helps so much! I was all tired then we got to orchestra an played the theme to Schindler's List. I may post it later. Sooo beautiful!!! Listen to it! Not even kidding!!! <333 Teddy (director... We call him Teddy... Hehe) counted to us in German! Then French and Spanish so we died laughing and couldn't focus xD too fun! He made my day!!!<3 (I enjoy hearts today lol)

Such a gpod mood right now :) hope it stays this way for awhile and more than just a few hours, if that. Oh and Oklahoma rehearsal is canceled... This kinda angered me because we haven't had a single blocking yet! We really should! I miss last year so much! :( I swear I'm not even excited anymore... Ah well, nothing to do to help that.

Adios, Au Revoir, I forget the German way... Dang. Ok cya.

Update from second study hall:
That was embarrassing! This dude said my headphones weren't on or something ... I just ignored him but could feel my face get all red... Ugh!!! :'( that was a mood killer for the day. I know it seems silly, doesn't it? I. Really. Don't. Care. Anymore. People. Suck. Jerks. Whatever. :/
SADD meeting after lunch. Why do I feel like the rest of today's gonna be rough? Wish I got out earlier than 2:52. Hate this school.

Invisible

"She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, yeah"

^ Good song.... 

Had some good times chatting with itsanjx3 tonight via twitter/texting. Her autocorrect on her phone is..... ;) yeah.... we don't need to go there.


Seriously, what's up with me posting twice in one day? Ah, well.... I guess it's okay considering all the days I've forgotten about or skipped for various reasons a while back.... I have a feeling I won't forget any time soon.


Listening to Trapt now. "Close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by. There is no time to waste, asking why. I'll run away with you by my side.I think about your face and how I fall into your eyes<3" ..... </3


I feel like I'm trying too hard lately to seem..... idk... normal? I have my giggly moments like today with my friend Avery.... ohhh we're fun! ;) You wouldn't recognize me.


Also in a fb group page with people from my graduating class... picking shirt colors and our class song.... kinda depressing, but I loved the one idea.... it's been my song of the night quite a lot over the summer.


I ... just ... can't ... shake ... this ... feeling. =\


Studying soon for SAT, hopefully gonna finish my one book tonight (reading, not writing), then sleep. Sleep sounds good right now.


'Night.♥

Exhausted

So more about last night before I get to today. Played a game on Facebook called Words with Friends. I was in like three games at once! Too funny :) all 3 guys and I won all! XD aww yeah! Fun times with some great people! Hearts galore... If only it would let me. Grrrr xD

School today. Listened to some needtobreathe on the way to school. "I don't know just how much air I will need to breathe when your tide rushes over me. There's only one way to figure out. Will you let me drown? Yeah, will you let me drown? Hey now this is my desire." :)

In gym, this song came on and I thought it for so here are some lyrics. "so many things I'd say if only I were able But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by. All my life I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide. Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide." fits me, doesn't it?

Haha autocorrect on my iPod... It practically knows what I'm going to say...

Anyway, gym wasn't too horrible. Except when I DO try to play, I get laughed at. :(

And in history, the teacher called us horrible and conceited people.. That was harsh. :/

Oh yay I found a scratch on my iPod....

In orchestra we played music and I talked to a friend. Told her something. What I don't understand is why I make a joke out of everything when I'm in public. I don't tell people everything I'm thinking... I'm such a wimp lol Ny friends are so awesome for puttin up with me. They say it's nothing but I disagree. All the times I made a friend upset, he forgives me and pushes me to say what's on my mind. He's great; very trustworthy. Very helpful over these past few months.

Also I've been really lonely lately. Like... Yeah. I see people walking around holding hands and being cute. Even people who like each other bit aren't going out... At least they know. Why do I have to be so freakin shy around most guys?! The guy(s) I like don't like me and I just pretend I'm fine with all this. I miss that feeling of being wanted and feeling safe... And the adorableness... <\3 sigh... It's been over 2 years now and the guy that I was with wasn't much of a boyfriend anyway. All we did was hold hands and he kissed my cheek once. We were both immature then.

Anyone wanna loan me $5 so I can buy Anthem Light's new acoustic sessions album? Pweeeeasssseeee?? I'd love you forever!!!!!! :D

More updated later if I feel like it. My iPod is being retarded.

Updateee -- Ok so, home now... Let me just say one thing:
I really wanna scream. Music is helping me right now. But I got a text just a bit ago. It should be fine, but it's not exactly a happy thing. Why does this kinda stuff keep happening though?! Not gonna post the details yet until it actually happens... So if I suddenly got off on a tangent... yeah, just ignore me completely.
I realize lately that my posts have been super long. haha. They won't always be this much to read though.

"All I wanna be is in the light"

Yo blogspot peeps! (tehe) Second post in the same day! :O

So.... boring day. Woke up in a bad mood yet again, dad made us breakfast, went on computer for awhile, procrastinated on math homework, talked to people, eventually got happier.

Isaiah makes me laugh! I had to leave to go help make dinner. But at first i just said brb. then i came back and said not for long. His response: WELCOME BACK! ...aw...
xD oh he's funny! :3

OH OH OH AND AND AND *ahem* at dinner... mom asked if a certain frien lived in Johnstown and him & this other dude each asked me out, who would i choose? I was like "he doesn't, and neither of them like me sooo..."
mom: if they did though.
me: not. possible. *laughs*

Yeah... and had a private convo about me having/not having hard feelings towards somethinggg :P
But really, if I can't say something online, how would I say it in person? >_< urgh! But I manged to say it, and bombs didn't go off, so it's all good I suppose...

then after we ate, I showed mom a few youtube videos of this amazazing band, Anthem Lights. I practically yelled "HE'S PERFECT FOR ME!" at one part xD you love me, admit it :3
But they're such funny, great, talented guysss!!!!

Trying to not think that tomorrow is tuesday, meaning: back to school, & gym class.
Also today in 1 month exactly is parents night for Oklahoma musical. We haven't had a single blocking yet... kinda was nervous earlier about it. But we're starting blocking wednesday for a few hours in the evening. But really, shows how much the company's in the show... Ah well, make the most of it. It's been ok so far.

It's all a lie?!

I realize this is my second post.... i guess this can count for today since it's after midnight (quarter til 2).....3 things happened tonight....
1.) Confusion with a guy friend of mine.... was venting to Anjiela (who needs to start blogging agaaaain *hint hint*) and still confused bc he doesn't tell me much and idk why... and i don't understand how i feel.
2.) summer flashbacks...
3.) I got told to not trust guys.... i'm getting the full story now.... but another friend is upset and this is just crazy!!!! ok... they tell you they like you but they can't hang around you. They want you to rely on them but never text back. They want you to trust them with our heart but don't care enough to take it... basically it.
I know what she's getting at here, and have experienced it a few times...ish.... but I don't believe they're all this way.... but what do I know? not like I had much experience with all this..... I feel like such a little kid.

text venting with Nikki currently. glad she's still up. lol

I have such a headache right now..... bed soon. It'd be nice to escape this for awhile. =(((
My heart hurts, too.

Cry myself to sleep tonight? Check.

You're Beautiful!

Cory did a cover of that and i just now see it... just seeing it made me really super excited for the moment. lol And I have yet to actually listen to it. (Phil Wickham was my obsession like a month or 2 ago... too much fun! haha)

Pretty boring day. Church, home, had some cousins over for dinner bc it was her birthday, then read a bit, youtube, guitar. Talked to friends.

Talking to a friend now who confuses me.... He kinda left for the moment... but how do I know it's not just an excuse to go like.... you know what? nevermind.... I don't wanna ruin this now like i usually do with people. =/ I just don't see why he doesn't trust me enough to tell me things?? He knows I'd listen. He deserves a chance to talk after all the ranting I've done to him over the months.

On a bright noteee..... NO SCHOOL FOR MEEEE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!! :D YAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ I get to stay uppp laaaate agaaaain!!!!! ^-^ And listen to musics and such :)
Gotta do some stuff for school tomorrow and relax and whatnot. haha

:D I feel I've been upset too often. So there was a happy face!

I don't know what to think...

Today... got up, went to pick up a friend (drove in the snow, but no sliding like last night, thankfully!!!) and went to the mall. We're such nerds and had a bunch of books from the mall's booksale then bought candy and sat at the food court eating it and talking about some stuff. Then we went back to her house where I got to see her new apartment all to herself. It's connected to her house, but she's sooo lucky!!! I kept telling her that as she showed me around. We played with her dog, talked, watched a movie, and her brothers kept coming in and bothering us. I hate when that happens.. lol but it was SO nice to get out of the house today! You have no idea!

Came home, in a great mood! :)

Got an adorable text from a GREAT friend! :D <3 Yeah.... I know what you're gonna ask.... don't say it. :P I've been confused about this a lot, but anyway.... he makes me smile. I'm hoping to talk to him soon here... just texted him that I have news for him. I've been updating him on my youth group situation. Maybe he'll get the hint I need him to get on and talk to me... but we don't have a youth group (haven't for awhile, but we were gonna have a new female leader and start up again). But the lady who was gonna be the leader fell on ice this morning and is now having vision problems. She's in the ER and everyone's concerned! =\ This isn't good. No youth, and scared for her now. No Momentum over the summer?! We still have time.... I know I sound selfish... but... I just... really need a Momentum experience again. Life has gotten really hard! More than most of my friends know. But I need to feel that "fire" in me again.... You probably don't care about all this, but I just need to vent.

You know what I need right now? A hug. Not a normal hug. Either a hug from my best friend, or one of those long hugs that guys give to girls. :P hehe. My friend and I texted each other hugging faces all day today. I'd LOVE to meet him.... at Momentum. Dunno now if that will happen. UGH, ok.. stop. *calms*

And a certain person kept bothering me.... every time I'm alone in my room, guess who walks in? Yup... sometimes I like alone time. Do people not realize this?! Hence why I loved getting outta my house today. Can't wait to get a car for my own and just drive.... anywhere! Just. Get. Me. Out! I don't even care!

Enough of this dark stuff.... or it's gonna just consume me again. Don't wanna go to that place EVER again!

Ok i'm seriously debating maybe not posting this.... then again, how many of you actually read everything I say? Only those who really care.

I feel like a terrible friend lately... always talking about myself, not really asking about others as much as I used to. My friends try to assure me that it's not true, but idk. I'd *love* to believe it. I really would!! </3 More of my pity-party, selfishness.

Alright, goodbye for now. Music time. Dishes soon probably. Hoping that guy will get on! (My friends are the best people in the world! so understanding and loving! ♥)

Terrible week... :(

Yeah this week is horrible. I'm in study hall right now. Gym just ended and today was the second time I got hit in the head with the stupid volleyball. Today was from behind me and harder than Tuesday. And I have half of my math midterm later on which is gonna suck!!!! I want this week to end so I can relax over the weekend. Did I mentin my head really hurts? Ugh! And I have to study tonight for math and history and who knows what else is going on. But I can vent to friends lol. They're so understanding I love it! :) but yeah... I should be working on something but I'm really not in the mood. Updating from my iPod is very amusing. I may do this more often since I don't go on much at home. Mayday Parade is playing currently! Good thing I have music always with me or I would go crazy! My friend and I were talking about that just like 2 days ago. The world would be a very dark place... Worse than it is already, I mean.

Idk what else to say except today is awful so far. Probably won't get much better either. Unfortunately. :'(

Well I guess I'll go work on my SAT stuff... Registered last night for the one in March. The 10th, to be exact... March is a bad month lol the beginning anyway. The last day in it is my concert day in Pittsburgh. Yay concerts!

Yeah okay... Goodbye blogspot. For now. :\

Update - idk why this saved as a draft but it did so I'm not in study hall now xD
Listening to Shawn McDonald. T

"Hold on to this lullabye, even when the music's gone, gone"

Conflict ions, conflictions...

Thought about a lot today. No more than a typical day, perhaps...

Just a long day. Tests, tiredness, came home, was lazy.

Got told some stuff.... feel kinda weird.... talked to a good guy friend of mine.... forgot how nice it was!<3 I feel bad... it's been too long. He's such a sweetie! lol I can tell he feels bad for me, too. But he made me realize some things & had a talks & all that good stuff.... He's random & confusing & fun. lol He made me smile a bit. =) "CORNDOGS!" yeah..... he's weird, like I said. =) and he yells at me for apologizing. pretty funny sometimes. i totally did that to him, too. He thought it was a win! :P Totally was! We have a cute little huggy thingy too! xD :3 (>^_^)>  <(^_^<) <333 so a freakin dorable! Riiiight? :D You know you wanna agree... ok this sounds like I have feelings for him, right now. I've been asked (and teased) a lot about it. But I'd like *ONE* guy friend where my world doesn't get complicated.... no offense to anyone! <3 :)

Man, I need a boyfriend...

Listening to Taylor Swift's newest song "Safe And Sound" a lot today bc it's epic! (My subject title of the day.) Great guitar and vocals! And also another great song by another great band. Anjie and I freak out about them now. The Working Title. I love "There Is None". Best song, imo!

Bed soon, and mom needs me downstairs soon for something idk. I feel so drained... emotionless? not quite... Lifeless? Getting there... Cutting back on conversation, scared, nervous for upcoming days, and privacy issues, which I'm trying to understand. Vent session needed this week, but idk how I'm gonna get it to work. Maybe facebok w/ some secret deletions, or email, or iPod texting to the besties.

Bed time for me. Is tomorrow really only Tuesday? SIGH! OKAY, we can do this... bring it on.... leggo.
</3
Anyway
Yeah
Goodbye..
Goodnight.

You need to hear me out and you said "Speak now!"

Yeah... okay, so.... woke up, went out to Rey Azteca where I overheard some army dude's talking. Apparently some Amish man got arrested for cutting this other dude's beard. The one army man sitting there remarked "He went beard-mainstream! He's a beard-cutter!" Who knew an army man could have a sense of humor? They're normally very serious... no, that's mean... but umm... yeah, I heard that and I tried so hard to hold back from laughing. Mom noticed and asked what. I tried to tell her quietly so those guys wouldn't overhear. Then we laughed. Got food. Then we heard the same guy later on say "You're part Amish?" and we both cracked up! Then they left and I was very disappointed. I sat there whispering "No, come back. I wanna hear more!" Mom laughed at me. :P

So, school this week.... very long week, really. Tests, homework, work. Hard to get back into it after the break we had. Wish it was longer haha. Felt like crap on Thursday though, which wasn't fun.
Drama at school, a few rough days at home = exhausting week. But right now it's Saturday... tomorrow's Sunday, which means.... last day of the weekend! :( But it's also church! :D which is fun. Then home to work on school stuff..... >_<

A friend and I sit alone at lunch and chat about things ever since this jerk... well, it's a long story. But he's a big jerk and guys like him are just.... jerks? xD I need a new word. But really, I think I should've seen through the fakeness about him. He had a nickname for me and was always friendly and everything, so I guess it's understandable.... I still can't bring myself to delete his number from my phone.

Had musical yesterday. Sang a lot. The instructor was 16 minutes late. We all were saying "Okay let's just leave" but I would've been stuck there anyway. My friend Ashley and I... she makes me laugh every time we're together! Like... there was this cart and we made a plan on transporting children with it... yeah, don't ask. We're weird people. She also told me more about a certain topic, which only certain people know about! I'm just gonna leave you wondering. ;)

Hmm.. what else happened this week? Nothing too exciting. Nearly went into a panic attack on wednesday... that was a good time.... no, not really.... My bestie was really concerned, but so sweet! <3 Drama built up at home. I felt like a weirdo for freaking out about things like that, but whatever. Just stupid little things. Also, that same night, I got told something from my mom that really surprised me. I'm still kinda secretly thinking about it... maybe too much, idk. Am I acting too happy in order to convince others? Or even myself?
Welcome to the deep mind of me. xD
I really need to be more happy.
DISTRACTION! :)

Oh, Ben Breedlove, very inspiration man who I would have LOVED to meet!!!! I've talked about him all week! Such a sweet guy, who made youtube videos. He passed away on Christmas day from a heart attack outside. He's had a heart condition all his life and cheated death 3 times. Really, his story is remarkable! I love learning these things about people. Call me a creeper if you must. Haha. But a friend and I constantly talk about how he's impacted lives everywhere! If someone buys me a bracelet about him, I will be the happiest girl ever! :) No lie!

This is a very long post compared to my past few recent ones lol.

adios loves! <3